I Closed a $90K Deal Drunk in the Office at 11:47 AM

It was a Thursday.
I wasn’t supposed to be at work.
Technically I had a “doctor’s appointment.”
What I actually had was a hangover from a Wednesday night that got out of hand at Catch, a girl I don’t talk to anymore, and a $78 Uber receipt that said I got home at 3:12 AM.

My plan was to sleep it off. Maybe check email around noon.
But I woke up at 8:37AM, still half-drunk, suit on the floor, wallet on the counter with $60 in cash I didn’t remember pulling out.

And something in me said:
F* it. Go in.**

I walked into the office at 9:15 like it was my house.
No bag. No laptop. Just sunglasses, a headache, and leftover adrenaline.

The place was quiet.
You know that eerie silence when everyone’s pretending to be busy?
Yeah, that.

Someone had left a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black in the break room fridge from someone's birthday the week before.
I popped it open, poured two inches into a ceramic “#1 Boss” mug, and took a long sip.

Now I’m alive.

My Slack was full of red dots.
One of the leads I’d been chasing for 3 weeks — big healthcare SaaS client — had ghosted me after three follow-ups.

Suddenly, mid-sip, the little Outlook pop-up hits the bottom of my screen:

I stared at it.
Looked at the bottle.
Took another sip.
Clicked Yes.

This man hops on the call in full corporate armor:
Button-up. Blue light glasses. 10-point agenda.
He's ready to control the conversation.

I’m sitting there unshaven, whiskey mug in hand, fully in the pocket.

He starts with:

I cut him off.
“Look, I’ll be real with you. You don’t need another feature list. You need someone who actually gets sh*t done when it matters.”

He raises his eyebrows.
I keep going.

He pauses.

I can see him recalibrating.

I pitch for 12 minutes straight. No notes. No fluff.
Just confidence and clarity soaked in leftover tequila and ego.

He tries to push back on price. I laugh.

Silence.
He leans back.

At 11:47AM, the DocuSign hit.
$90K.
While two interns were still trying to fix the printer.

I poured another drink.
This time, I didn’t need it.
Just wanted to celebrate.

Now listen — I’m not saying get drunk at work.
I’m not saying black out your problems and hope instinct carries you.

But I am saying this:

Most people are too f*ing sober to win.**

Too scared to say what they think. Too worried about their boss. Too focused on optics instead of outcomes.
They sip LaCroix while whispering ideas and wonder why they get passed up.

Not me.

That day I was messy.
I was hungover.
I was unfiltered.
But I was real — and that closed the deal.

No lessons. No apology. Just results.